Thursday 29 November 2012

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" - Eddy Izzard

Drycember. What can I say. I first heard of Drycember from my good friend the Jizzster, I was sceptical at first. The idea was shear madness. I had heard of Movember, and even attempted it myself to a certain degree (shaved after two weeks due to a distinct lack of moustache resulting in me looking like a total prick). The idea was simple, following the success and popularity of Movember, we would try to do Drycember; refraining from masturbation throughout the whole month of December. That's right, no crafty Christmas day quick one or anything. Though I wasn't on board at first, I was soon cooerced alongside my two other friends, The Jester and KleenexKomando. 

This blog will follow our, what some would say is heroic, journey throughout the unforgiving winter month without tugging one out. To say I am a frequent self indulger is probably fair, some would say even furious, so the following few weeks will be some of the toughest of my life. As my dear friend has said earlier, I too was considering weaning myself off, like a heroine addict with methodone, until I can brave the comedown. Given that it is now the 29th November, it is safe to say that that plan has fallen through horrendously and my right hand nearly blistered over. As I brace for the ensuing chemical trauma and blue balls, I will document what I can. - Sergeant Spaff

Wednesday 28 November 2012

A Brief Introduction

My Faithful  Companion
Hello, I am The Jizzster and I, like The Jester, am an avid self climaxing enthusiast. As the fateful day approaches when I must abandon my kleenex, pornhub and vaseline for rustlers, film4 and dangerous volumes of coffee; I am filled with a mixture of trepidation and intrigue. My first concern is how to approach the deadline. Do I slowly wind down and risk wasting my precious alone time? Or do I go cold turkey and risk the same horrific withdrawal symptoms associated with hard drug use? Either way, on the 1st of December 2012, I'm going to be starting a journey that will no doubt change my perception of reality itself.



How I Envy This Creature
Scientifically speaking, humans are unique in their use of masturbation as a means to achieve sexual climax, while many species do engage in "bashing" we are the only ones who "shoot the love gun". I am tempted to use this opportunity to examine the change in mass of my testes for the duration of Drycember. All of these ideas and more are up for discussion, and I will keep you updated on my scientific and sexual exploits.

This will do for a brief introduction. Be sure to check back for updates - The Jizzster

Man-sized for a reason

Man sized tissues exist for a reason. And it's not because men have bigger noses.


Just saying.

Monday 19 November 2012

Drycember - Three Mens' Dream

We dedicate this blog to our dear friend Girth Vader currently suffering from a intense masturbation addiction and is currently in rehab, our thoughts are with him.

On the 19th November 2012, three brave young men swore an oath, condemning the practice of masturbation throughout the entire month of December, and enlisted in a strict regime of strenuous exercise and improved physical capacity, in order to better themselves. This adventure, it must be remembered, will be long, treacherous, and will challenge the very friendship that this challenge is based upon, as masturbation to many is almost a hobby. During our brave challenge we will be posting daily blogs, documenting our progress and the extents to which we have been testedd. If any of you readers wish to provide asny suggestions for us or would like to back the bid and join us, please feel free, as all contributions are welcome.

There will be occasions, where one would be tempted to 'crack one out', sneaking off to polish the sword, however we warriors will resist as Jesus did:

"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting for forty days and forty nights, He was hungry. The tempter came to Him and said, 'If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread'. Jesus answered, 'It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”(Matthew 4: 1-11)



The Bread in this instance, can clearly be seen as a representation of a man's love of his right or left hand. The Pope Benedict XVI has praised the planned efforts of the three young gents, and in a recent interview outside a local orphanage in the vicinity to his Palace in the Vatican, he claimed that, "God was shining down upon them, and that only "catholic priests are allowed to play with young boys penises", whilst expressing his horror about being linked to the Jimmy Saville sex scandal. 
 
Many people might say, that this task is impossible due to the wide availability of pornography, however as Ron Jeremy, famous for destroying many a fine lady with his schlong commented, "You cannot blame porn. When I was young, I used to masturbate to Gilligan's Island". Our chances of completing this task look bleak, but our resilience is strong and we will triumph


If some people reading this are struggling with a masturbation addiction and are inspired by our challenge, please visit this help and advice page


Thats All People

The Jester