Wankuary

Not long now my friends, not long until we are finally liberated from the cold shackles of drycember in to the wet, warm and wonderful Wankuary!

Yes, thats right, I declare from hence forth the first month of the year as Wankuary (sponsored by Vaseline). What a glorious time of year this will be, where bodily juices flow freely once more and my normal evening  one-armed workout can resume as normal. Anyone preparing for this time may want to invest in caffeine pills for longevity and some E45, for any injuries that might occur. If you are a fan of the 'posh-wank' be sure not to aim at anything fragile because that latex torpedo will surely fly free and obliterate any material object in sight, with the full force of a months sexual frustration.

Drycember cannot be held accountable for any damage caused by flying condoms

I can offer no other advice and leave you with wishes for a good new years eve, and an even better new years day! - The Jizzster

Approaching the climax

What an experience this has been. There have been highs and lows, often in my bed sheet, and even moments of great sadness (WIP* Sergeant Spaff) but through it all I have remained commited, and posotive. Now that we approach the end of our great quest, I have to begin planning my first day out of the shackles of Drycember. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions as to how to jizz myself into the new year, contact us through twitter @Drycember . In describing how I feel at this moment, I felt the clip below would illustrate it best.

Obviously I am Frodo, and Sam is a metaphor for my fellow Drycember companions. I think this line from Frodo is most appropriate in my situation :

"I'm... naked in the dark, with nothing, no veil... between me... and the wheel of fire!"

- the wheel of fire referring to my right hand anxiously approaching gandalfs staff....

Anyway, I shall post again later today and the day after for the final farewells and reports - The Jizzster

*Wank In Peace

The final countdown

I'm sorry for my inactivity on the Drycember blog, however Christmas, exam preparation and essays have been bogging me down and I feared for my resilience to the cause, as viewing Drycember might send me over the edge. Fortunately, you'll be glad to hear, that I remain as dry as a bone, there was no festive masturbation allowed for my penis, as I kept telling myself; its the home straight now. Having heard of the dramatic demise of one of our brethren, Sergeant Spaff, it has made me more determined than ever to stay strong and not fall into the trap of pornhub.

I'm not going to lie its been very tough not to crack one out. Every time I look at my left hand, it seems to smile back, tempting me in. The incognito window on chrome always seems to be too accessible. Quite frankly, with only 3 days to go, I cant wait to have a wank, but unfortunately I'm going to have to.

Stay strong and carry on



The Jester

Well, this is new.

After going to bed last night after an hour long erection, I feared the worst for the morning. Upon waking up, I was covered in a bodily fluid. Luckily, it was not erection liquid, but I was sweating like a kid on Jim'll fix it.

It's OK, I thought - surely the radiators are on, there's nothing wrong with me, but no, the radiators were stone cold. And the erection was still present. For another hour.

Hopefully I never wake up wetter than a lesbian in a fish market ever again, it was most unpleasant. 

I'm Dreaming of a Dry Christmas

I'm dreaming of a Dry Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know,
Where I just watch television,
And do not have to listen,
To mum coming upstairs from below.

I'm dreaming of a dry Christmas,
And no volcanoes squirting white,
With my penis not standing upright,
And no sticky boxers in the night.



Whilst the best way to get through drycember is to take your mind off it and keep busy, this results in us being too busy, and neglecting the blog and the twitter account too, to some extent. So, if you've been waiting for new blog updates with bated breath (which you and me both know you have), then I apologise. We'll try harder in future.

I think my body has adapted to the challenge now, with most of the time being an easy ride. However when the feeling hits, then the next hour is spent dreaming of getting an easy ride.  Morning wood is a longer lasting problem before, especially as it can't be put down physically, only by sheer mental force.

Only a week to go, final stretch!

Man Down

I'm sure that you were as shocked as I was when my friend Sergeant Spaff was overcome with testosterone fuelled sexual craving, and broke his drycember fast. Needless to say, this is a stark reminder of the challenge that we are facing and I have nothing but the utmost respect for Spaff for even attempting the challenge. However, being one man down only makes restraint more difficult for those of us remaining. 

Man Down!!!!

In other news, the end of the world looms upon us but as of yet there have been no meteor showers or alien invasions. I personally am starting to believe the Mayans were wrong, and that they actually meant to predict the 1st of January 2013 as the end of the world. Why? A sea of spunk, metres high travelling at the speed of sound engulfs the world as Drycember is broken by nation after nation. I guess we'll see how that goes...  - The Jizzster

My Last

Well, maybe not my last. I got locked out of my account for this for a week or so due to a result of a really, really stupid technical thing (I was signed in to blogger and not google+, rookie error). To add to this disgrace, I have broken Drycember.

I know, hold back those tears avid fans. It was a quiet Monday in sunny ol' England. Having just returned from university to home, I was understandably well fed and rested. The fridge stocked to the full and the heating consistently on, the home comforts were immeasurable. There was only one thing that could better it.

The background set, now for the time and place. I was home alone, trying to revise. Though I had nearly been reeled in by this same temptress just a few days earlier, the situation was not quite as idyllic with housemates but a few paces away from catching me polishing the old pork sword. Home alone for at least a few hours, and my old best friend just daring me to give him a click.

We go way back :)

I am ashamed to say I succumbed (tee hee, rhymes with "cum"). No longer to walk the Earth as an enlightened man, the drop back to humanity was both exhilarating and heartbreaking. Don't get me wrong, it was glorious, but knowing I let down our millions and millions of fans? Crushing. I can only hope for a better performance next year - Sergeant Spaff

This is a played down version of the events that transpired.

The End of the World

As the seconds tick closer, I find myself praying for the sweet release that the apocalypse would bring. After years of taking regular dates with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 kids, drycember has pushed me to the brink mentally and physically. Should the world end shortly, I shall greet the impending doom with open arms, a big grin and a raging erection.

Of course, it's not going to end, and hell on Earth will continue for the next 11 days. A worrying prospect indeed. However, should a meteor threaten our planet, I'd wager that I could knock it off course with a supersonic cumshot. An attractive female will be required to aim and fire, as I'm not going to break drycember to save the planet. And I still have some standards. For now.

Drycember is worth more to me than that.

Feel free to apply for the job of cumrocket operator - @drycember

Operation Pole Position

Despite the fact that our definition of Drycember has been voted word of the day on urban dictionary, and despite the fact that the other definition is shit, Urban Dictionary's twitter bot insists upon the drinking version being the right version.

It is wrong.

I propose a holy crusade to up-vote our definition, to reclaim our spot at No.1 on the Drycember definition.

Help the cause. Vote down the rubbish version, vote us up.

Click here to help the cause!

An almost embarassing moment

Last night, I decided whilst browsing the channels, I was going to watch a film on TV. The only film I could find was Calendar Girls, a film where middle-aged to elderly women get naked to make a nude calendar for charity. All I'm going to say is Drycember has totally changed my perceptions about the attractiveness of actors such as Helen Mirren and Julie Walters. During one of the more graphic scenes, where there were 12 ladies in no clothes, I thought for one terrifying moment that I'd spunked myself during it. 

I hastily unbuttoned my trousers, looked in my boxers, fearing that spiderman had gone crazy in them. Fortunately it was a false alarm, and my penis remained fully loaded. But the fear that engulfed me in that brief moment will stay with me forever.



If others have experienced something similar tweet it to us @drycember and we will follow the person with the best story that we receive

The Jester

False alarm

Last night was my first night at home from University since the start of Drycember, and what a night it was. Dreams have become a common occurrence since the start of this crusade, possibly the only strange positive, but last night was different. The dream began as normal, a strange montage of scenes which make perfect sense at the time but absolutely none while awake. Among them were a visit to a government meeting only for people to realise that I did not belong, but no matter as I promptly flew away on a giant parrot. After this I moved on to the customary sexual bit: a room full of lovely women, one of whom about to suck me off, the others watching, but wait...I was about to climax, and it felt very real. I awoke to the feeling of stickyness, and shock, had I had the much feared wet dream? For a moment I was worried, but I promptly awoke once more breathing heavily, and dry as a bone(r).

My initial shock resembled this.

Dryception - the belief you have ejaculated while asleep, only to wake up once more and realise that the wet dream itself, was a dream.

Yet another ground breaking idea produced by this blog. Lets hope that I dont experience the real deal - The Jizzster

The dangers of being alone

Drycember continues, and as the four of us return home for Christmas, I find my self at home, alone and bored. Normally, this would be an opportunity that would not go to waste - within 5 seconds of the house being empty I'd be busy scrolling through a porn site to find a satisfactory video. Naked women would scroll before my eyes in a flurry of breasts and vaginae and the slumbering snake that resides between the two southern boulders would awake and stretch towards the sun.

Not today, however. Nor tomorrow, or the day after. That isn't to say the snake doesn't wave up, no sir. As soon as he is perked up, he begins the mind control which I have fallen victim to so many times before, but I am a different man now. I battle back, willing him to lie down, play dead, roll over.

The moral support of having fellow drycember-ers in the same building was invaluable. Egged on by others' success, my resolve was a solid steel shutter, a barrier to the stimulus that made me want to stimulate myself. Now, as we reach the tough part of the month, we are ripped from each other and cast about the country to fend for ourselves. 

It turns out I lied in a previous post - the true battle had not began days ago. It starts today.

So ronery

I dreamed a dream...

Where David Beckham killed 3 of my budgies. I don't even have budgies. My mind is deteriorating. This month will be the end of me.

Budgie Killing Bastard

Please send help.

Crisis Point

I'm afraid to say that today i almost broke, and reached inside my trousers for my consistently erect penis, with the intention of maybe sneaking one out. But fortunately for me, my parents rang me, causing my erection to disappear, meaning that my sperm remains firmly in my ballsack. However, this loss of resolve and desire caused me to look at myself in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw.

However, as we approach the halfway stage of our epic journey, notable changes of behaviour within the group has been noticed. The Kleenex Kommando has become grouchy, grumpy and quite testerone-fuelled, the Jizzster constantly plays with his genitals, scratching his balls, giving him some sort of pleasure apparently. Whereas I have become tired all the time, and developed a borderline gambling addiction. Anyway, keep updated over the christmas period on here or on twitter @drycember

The Jester

Shit Just Got Real

When discussing the challenge so far, we acknowledged that it was not the beginning of the challenge where we were likely to fail as our willpower is not that bad. Nor was it the end, where the sight of the finish line would drive us forward like an exhausted marathon runner with his eyes on the unbroken ribbon. No, we knew the middle of the month was to be our greatest test - a minefield of temptation to beat the meat or choke the chicken.

A new realm of erectile dysfunction has been entered - one where the third leg does not want to lie down and go to sleep. When I wake up, so does he, and what feels like hours pass until he admits defeat and returns one more to slumber. Insomnia strikes very quickly, however, and once again the battle between mind and body rages.

God help us all.

The lowering of standards

As the urge for release increases, I find various things that possess holes to be more and more attractive with each passing day. At first, average girls sent me into a daydream of depravity, and good looking girls nearly killed me. Nowadays, distinctly bad looking girls get me moderately excited - upon seeing a slightly horse faced female, I found myself thinking "I want to fuck you in the mouth".

Now, let's think about that for a minute. This was a girl who I actively realised was unattractive, but yet I would be willing to lower myself. It is a form of intoxication. Unlike alcohol which blinds you to hideousness, this is something different. You no longer care. If I was a nemesis to a superhero, I would be a very dangerous foe right about now - I feel like I have nothing to lose.

Must... resist...

Alcohol; masturbation's greatest enemy

Sorry for the lack of coverage, over the last couple of days, I've been very occupied. Don't worry folks, the slobbering donkey remains unbucked, and my testicles weighed in at an impressive 0.5 kg each today, a 5% rise since the start of the month. I almost lost my battle with the one-eyed beast, after two deathly hangovers which may have beaten weaker men, I felt rougher than Rihanna after a showdown with Chris Brown.

14 days down, and it still feels like we have a mountain to climb, however it is important to contemplate Antoine de Saint-Exupery's famous words which have stayed with me during my darkest hours, "The Beauty of the Mountain is hidden for all those who try to discover it from the top, supposing that, one way or an other, one can reach this place directly. The Beauty of the Mountain reveals only to those who climbed it..." And it is words, such as these which make my resolve even stronger than ever. Good luck to all participants, Stay Strong

The Jester

Long Overdue

You've missed us, we know. We can only apologise. You see, in previous, happier times, distraction could be dealt with by going for a quick one handed white knuckle ride. Nowadays, that is forbidden, and so our minds wander like that of a small child with ADHD, 10 minutes after consuming copious amounts of coke.

We sit down to post, and suddenly the next room seems more interesting. It is 'grass is greener' syndrome at its finest - there's nothing in the next room. Ever. Without any sort of release, life just seems bland and uninteresting. Is this my body's way of telling me to curl up and die because I have lived past my purpose and am no longer spreading my seed? It could be. Maybe I'm just getting depressed which would mean that wanking is a cure.

Note to the NHS - stop forking out money on expensive anti depressants to hand out like sweets, and point your patients to a free porn site. No more depression, government saves money. 2 Birds, 1 stone.

Cure your depression - go and knock one out!

Health and Mental Wellbeing

In the olden days, masturbation was essentially a sin, for some reason. It was said that it would give you hairy palms and make you go blind - obviously false as I'm not typing this on a braille keyboard, and the cold December air makes me question my sanity for not wearing gloves.

Speaking of sanity, my dreams last night left me both amazed and incredibly fearful of what my mind can produce. The story line, if there ever was one, escapes me, but a few things stick with me:

• Elbert Einstein owned a Pokemon
• Osama bin Laden made an appearance
• I spoke French in a market, and got a chair for free
• The police were there (not the band)
• The Light Rifle from Halo 4 also popped up a couple of times
• No obvious sexual elements

The lack of sexual themes is strange, because if I were to die today, and my organs donated, some orphans somewhere would be very happy with their 2 brand new spacehoppers from Santa.

Obviously, this combination of characters and events does not lead for a linear, easily understandable plot, and any help unscrambling this mess would be greatly appreciated.

We're not even half way through - I genuinely fear for my mental health.

This makes more sense than my dream

Revision Raunchiness

Every lad out there that has been at a schooling age has experienced this. You are on study leave at college/uni, meaning extended periods of time in your room alone and the urge to pleasure yourself goes up 100 fold. My past life mantra of 'masturbation is the best form of procrastination' has had to be put on hold, and more often than not, I am finding myself at a bit of a loose end with a book in front of me.

I mean, what else is there to do? Actually read stuff? Do past papers? Course not!! Everyone always just ends up bashing themselves red raw during these periods and the revision sort of goes into your brain via osmosis in some kind of Derren Brown'esque fashion.

It's all getting a bit out of hand, I mean I was watching telly earlier and the episode of Friends where Monica goes to a Halloween party as Catwoman came on and I thought I was going to take someones eye out. Reckless of Comedy Central really, before the watershed during Drycember? Why don't you just give me a loaded gun instead. - Sergeant Spaff

I know Chandler, my face looked kind of similar too, only with a raging erection to match

Sweet dreams...or not

Without doubt the most dangerous part of my day is night...if that makes any sense? My dreams are becoming more and more vivid, and they mirror my current state of fapping starvation. Each night the dreams, visions even, become more and more sexually psychedelic, a kaleidoscope of spunk clouds my vision as I slowly plough my way through my real life female peers. If I'm susceptible to sleep walking, then the sex offenders register will be my next milestone in the Drycember journey.

If anybody knows where I could purchase a cheap straight jacket for my nightly wanders, please tweet me @Drycember , its for the good of everyone.  - The Jizzster

Day 10: Nearly a Third of the way there

We've reached Day 10, which is no small achievement in itself. The 10th of December has seen some monumental historic events in the past: the first Nobel prizes were awarded in 1901, the UN adopted the Geneva convention on human rights in 1948, however our achievement is greater still. The erection continue to be a problem especially during lectures, when you sit next to even a girl who is only 5/10, you find yourself encountered with the biggest raging boner of all time, its as if he is screaming at me to be relieved! My balls seem to have gained weight, and I kid you not, I swear they have got alot bigger, its actually freaky!

He wants to get out! The bulge is actual size, so ladies you're welcome. Only 21 more days to go, good luck to my fellow participants!

The Jester

Evolution and Alcohol

Finishing up day 10 of Drycember now, not seen a great deal of my fellow bloggers over the weekend so can only track their progress via here; times are getting tougher. We will endure however, like the people in that dragon film with Christian Bale, should watch that again it's well good, bit at the end with the bloke and the axe? Classic. I digress, not been a bad weekend to be honest, been out for most of it so the temptation of a bit of five on one with myself has subsided for the most part. In my head there are three possible reasons for this:

• I am a reformed man who has achieved a higher state of thinking and realisation through Drycember. My personality has matured and I have separated myself from the rest of mankind and furthered evolution in a jump likened to when Magikarp turns into Gyarados.
• The amount of alcohol consumed has suppressed all libido for 48 hours.
• The lack of hand to gland combat has driven to me to a point of insanity and I am now actually a dormant schizophrenic

Probs the alcohol thing. - Sergeant Spaff

This is the kind of tranformation I hope I have undergone.

Erection Extravaganza

The challenge has stepped up a gear, directly effecting my daily life, as polishing the family jewels becomes more and more of a priority for me. The number of erections I am encountering everyday are astounding, I swear men don't normally experience this number of hard-ons. It is crazy, the need to drain the sack is overwhelming.

Nevertheless, I intend to keep my penis full and my balls to remain obese, for the good of the cause, good luck to you lads and ladies ;) Stay strong, resist the temptation to have a tug of war with the cyclops or flick the bean. Tweet us on @drycember

The Jester

The struggle begins

If I am brutally honest the past few days have been..strange, but not overly difficult. However the tides of semen are beginning to turn, and my body is starting to tell me that I'm overdue for an oil change. Morning wood is becoming a serious problem, not least because I need to wait for it to subside before I can leave my room, for fear of my crotch cobra making an appearance. 

Jizzing in my pants is a serious risk

Even the simplest everyday tasks have become a struggle between mind and body, but I must hold strong, for this is a noble quest and I must prevail for the good of men (and cheeky birds) everywhere. The support on twitter is invaluable, tweet @drycember to provide support, or ask advice - The Jizzster

For the challenge

Since 'drycember' hit urbandictionary's front page, one question has been repeated above all others.

"Why?"

• To test ourselves
• To give us something different to try
• Because we can

This is what separates man from beast. Monkeys can masturbate, but there is no thought process behind it. For many young men (and perhaps some of the more uninhibited ladies) it has become a common occurrence; a reflex action to being alone. We reject this notion (for one month) and aim to become something better.

Don't be a monkey. Be a man (or woman).

For one month, this is not us.

Day 8: Temptation becomes stronger

Day 8 of our challenge and we still remain strong to the cause, the support and interest this blog has received has made our resolve even stronger. The temptation has become even larger, as I enter the second week, the more I see attractive girls, the bigger the temptation to go and 'make love to my hand'. But my hand remains unloved, you'll be glad to hear.

This is how I'm viewing most average-looking girls I see at the moment, keep saying to myself: RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!!




If there are any of you joining us on our challenge please tweet us your updates @drycember

The Jester

For Our Followers Out There

Hi Guys,

Following growing interest in our challenge, we have decided to expand our blogging to the twitter-sphere  by creating a twitter account for you guys. This means more updates and more news from the bretherin. Follow us on @drycember, feel free to ask us questions or for advice and lets get hash-tagging #drycember

The Jester

#drycember

To our avid followers, you will be happy to hear that my mission remains successful to this date, though I do not know how much longer I can last. Clinically I am far away from blue balls, but its not just a condition, its a state of mind. Our recent "fame" (loose term here to describe an above average number of retweets) has only strengthened our resolve to spread the word of this time old tradition to all four corners of this good Earth.

My biggest test came the other day, I entered my Statistics tutorial only to find an insatiably attractive PhD student leading it. The mixture of being a week without a release, and the fact that the girls doing Maths just aren't that attractive, meant that with hindsight I realise she was probably a 7 or 7.5/10, my conclusion? My mission is warping both my vision, and sense of reality. I am but a light breeze away from a serious accident. A ticking timebomb. God help us all. #drycember - Sergeant Spaff

Had the Jizzster take this picture of me this morning, situation is worse than I thought...

Boy, that escalated quickly.

I mean that really got out of hand fast.

Things just jumped up a notch. With an urban dictionary word of the day (dec. 5th), our gospel reached the ears of those previously ignorant of our plight.  No longer would we live in the e-shadows. Facebook and Twitter were now aware of our existence. Searching Drycember on google brings this blog as the top result.

We're kinda a big deal. People know us.


Anyway, onto what you're here for (I hope).

So far, I'm coping well. My mind has strayed into the depths of depravity a few times, but my will is not broken. Not yet.

It's only been a week however, and I expect the animal urge to return with a vengeance on a future date, an event which will hopefully provide more interesting/frequent blog posts. At the moment, a large volume of work is suppressing prime one eyed snake charming time. Once that's cleared up, the fight will begin.

Also, stay posted. A twitter account may appear soon if we think there's enough of an audience.

What have we started?

Since I last saw you, there have been several developments. I'm not just talking about the ever increasing girth of my scrotum...no I'm talking about the huge increase in Drycember's internet presence. On a whim I decided to upload our new definition of Drycember (yeah apparently alcoholics use the term as well, but who gives a fuck what an alcy thinks) to the popular website, Urban Dictionary. The word was added on the 4th of December; what I didn't know was that on the 5th of December it was made the "Urban Word of the Day", needless to say we are all very excited about the increasing support on twitter and Facebook for our cause, because on these lonely winter nights, the allure of the 'cheeky bash' is at its worst.

Our internet friend, turned foe.

In other news, the roll of toilet paper in my room is beginning to look quite dusty, an early indication of success if I don't say myself! If you want to check out the word here it is http://bit.ly/YK0sEN. 

If you want to tweet #drycember, we will see your messages of support - The Jizzster

The First Week is always the hardest

The first week is over, my penis remains pure, my sperm itching to leave, and my testes currently weighing 2.5 kg, however my resolve has never been stronger. I had a dream last night, where I was threatened to resist the temptation of masturbation in a weird interpretation of a famous scene from Gladiator , "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the Sperm, Father to a murdered sperm, husband to a murdered wife, and if you masturbate I will take my vengeance in this life or the next". 

We four young men remain wank-free, currently saving hundreds of pounds collectively on not using kleenex. We remain strong in our quest, "We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort".

For all those joining us in our challenge remain strong, and one of you has posted a funny definition :http://tinyurl.com/d7yqjz9

The Jester

On the second day of our epic challenge, I have little temptation to report, the snake remains uncharmed and my balls continue to gain weight. The only time of temptation was seeing the night-out attire of a very attractive female-friend last night, (she looked banging): however with the help and support of my fellow participants, my hands remained out of my trousers. The effects of Drycember have been noticeable, leaving my daily routine of masturbation has resulted in changes in my behaviour: I have become quite distant and have started seeing penis imagery everywhere I look.

Nevertheless, two days in, I remain committed to the cause, remaining with the motto, 'No Tug unless you pull at Plug'. 

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more

Coming up to the end of the second day of Drycember, no struggles to mention so far. Due to a hefty weekend of going out, libido has been relatively in check. Throughout the week ahead there will be work based stress, periods of shear boredom, and possibly some dreaded morning glory to test my resolve. I can only hope that I hope not to give in to such temptations, but just like Jesus through the desert, the devil works in mysterious ways, primarily "Live Jasmine" and "sexy girls in the Sheffield area" in this scenario.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." 
Matthew 26:41 - Sergeant Spaff

                               This is essentially me, essentially being used in a very, very loose sense

Lent: because Drycember is too difficult for priests

While my post may have started with a joke, the first two days of this voyage into the unknown have been no laughing matter. Due to an error I made in reading the calender I did not masturbate on the 30th of November, believing that the following day would be my last chance to grease the pole. 

Any of you who are not retarded, will have quickly spotted that the 31st of November does not exist and that I extended my already arduous task by an extra day. I am coping well at the moment but I have no doubt that I'll be feeling that extra day in the weeks to come - The Jizzster

"We come to it at last. The great battle of our time." - Gandalf the White

And so it begins. Just as the three musketeers accepted d'Artagnan to their ranks, so too we open our arms to Sergeant Spaff and the extra moral support he brings; letting down two comrades is bad, three is unthinkable.

Anyway, on with the show. End of day one, nothing major to report, no difficulty encountered. There will be precious few days like this, I must cherish them all.

Like us, but with the distinct disadvantage of being French.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" - Eddy Izzard

Drycember. What can I say. I first heard of Drycember from my good friend the Jizzster, I was sceptical at first. The idea was shear madness. I had heard of Movember, and even attempted it myself to a certain degree (shaved after two weeks due to a distinct lack of moustache resulting in me looking like a total prick). The idea was simple, following the success and popularity of Movember, we would try to do Drycember; refraining from masturbation throughout the whole month of December. That's right, no crafty Christmas day quick one or anything. Though I wasn't on board at first, I was soon cooerced alongside my two other friends, The Jester and KleenexKomando. 

This blog will follow our, what some would say is heroic, journey throughout the unforgiving winter month without tugging one out. To say I am a frequent self indulger is probably fair, some would say even furious, so the following few weeks will be some of the toughest of my life. As my dear friend has said earlier, I too was considering weaning myself off, like a heroine addict with methodone, until I can brave the comedown. Given that it is now the 29th November, it is safe to say that that plan has fallen through horrendously and my right hand nearly blistered over. As I brace for the ensuing chemical trauma and blue balls, I will document what I can. - Sergeant Spaff

A Brief Introduction

My Faithful  Companion

Hello, I am The Jizzster and I, like The Jester, am an avid self climaxing enthusiast. As the fateful day approaches when I must abandon my kleenex, pornhub and vaseline for rustlers, film4 and dangerous volumes of coffee; I am filled with a mixture of trepidation and intrigue. My first concern is how to approach the deadline. Do I slowly wind down and risk wasting my precious alone time? Or do I go cold turkey and risk the same horrific withdrawal symptoms associated with hard drug use? Either way, on the 1st of December 2012, I'm going to be starting a journey that will no doubt change my perception of reality itself.

How I Envy This Creature

Scientifically speaking, humans are unique in their use of masturbation as a means to achieve sexual climax, while many species do engage in "bashing" we are the only ones who "shoot the love gun". I am tempted to use this opportunity to examine the change in mass of my testes for the duration of Drycember. All of these ideas and more are up for discussion, and I will keep you updated on my scientific and sexual exploits.

This will do for a brief introduction. Be sure to check back for updates - The Jizzster

Man-sized for a reason

Man sized tissues exist for a reason. And it's not because men have bigger noses.

Just saying.

Drycember - Three Mens' Dream

We dedicate this blog to our dear friend Girth Vader currently suffering from a intense masturbation addiction and is currently in rehab, our thoughts are with him.

On the 19th November 2012, three brave young men swore an oath, condemning the practice of masturbation throughout the entire month of December, and enlisted in a strict regime of strenuous exercise and improved physical capacity, in order to better themselves. This adventure, it must be remembered, will be long, treacherous, and will challenge the very friendship that this challenge is based upon, as masturbation to many is almost a hobby. During our brave challenge we will be posting daily blogs, documenting our progress and the extents to which we have been testedd. If any of you readers wish to provide asny suggestions for us or would like to back the bid and join us, please feel free, as all contributions are welcome.

There will be occasions, where one would be tempted to 'crack one out', sneaking off to polish the sword, however we warriors will resist as Jesus did:

"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting for forty days and forty nights, He was hungry. The tempter came to Him and said, 'If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread'. Jesus answered, 'It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”(Matthew 4: 1-11)

The Bread in this instance, can clearly be seen as a representation of a man's love of his right or left hand. The Pope Benedict XVI has praised the planned efforts of the three young gents, and in a recent interview outside a local orphanage in the vicinity to his Palace in the Vatican, he claimed that, "God was shining down upon them, and that only "catholic priests are allowed to play with young boys penises", whilst expressing his horror about being linked to the Jimmy Saville sex scandal. 

 

Many people might say, that this task is impossible due to the wide availability of pornography, however as Ron Jeremy, famous for destroying many a fine lady with his schlong commented, "You cannot blame porn. When I was young, I used to masturbate to Gilligan's Island". Our chances of completing this task look bleak, but our resilience is strong and we will triumph

If some people reading this are struggling with a masturbation addiction and are inspired by our challenge, please visit this help and advice page

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15619/1/How-to-Stop-a-Masturbation-Addiction.html

Thats All People

The Jester